With due respect…

What can I do if Allaah has taken away mercy from you.

“Make sure to stay reserved”
(I swear. Don’t be frank if you want respect)


Long ago in some gathering.
While I was adjusting my stuff, I overheard an elderly lady* saying this to a young girl. Perhaps, they were just casually talking about family & relations that she thought to give this piece of advice to this young girl, a relative of hers, sitting over there.

Turning my head from my suitcase I looked at both of them in total surprise. The elderly lady perhaps didn’t have any idea that behind her back is a lady (that’s me) who is watching her in simple disbelief.

It was very surprising for me not just because for what she said.
It was surprising for many reasons.

The lady who was giving this life-mantra had greyed all her hair. From decades of experience in dealing with relations if that was the conclusion?

I was wondering what imprints in her mind the young lady would carry while dealing with relations in her future.
I wondered how could such an injurious notion be passed by an elderly lady to her own next generation.

I don’t know if I should be grateful or not that the lady couldn’t see my face aback at her. However, my eyes met with the girl she was escorting. The young girl was nodding in affirmation while smiling. However, I knew that she was just smiling and was not affirming at all (Thankfully 🙄).

You might agree with me or not. Respect is never earned this way. It is something that emanates from the heart of an individual by itself when they think we deserve it.

And, where is the ‘love’ in the equation?
Sadly, in our ‘Desi’ homes, we listen this word. A lot.
We belong to a RESPECTED family
Our parents taught us to RESPECT
That guy doesn’t know how to give RESPECT

Surprisingly, the definition of ‘respect’ for such individuals is so alien that it can’t even be decoded.
And, it is so superficial, fake and shallow that it floats above all the equations of relation all the time.

It is perfectly OK in our homes to hate each other as long as you are ‘respecting’ 🤔.

It is perfectly OK to be devoid of any mutual feelings of love as long you are ‘respecting’ 🤔.

It is perfectly OK to envy 🤔.

It is perfectly OK to backbite, slander, hurt, harm and what not…to each other as long as you are ‘respecting’ 🤔.

It is perfectly OK to say whatever you want at the back, you are ‘respecting’ as long as you are not saying (even if it’s against the wrong) on the face 🤔.

And, what do we do to earn that *respect*?
Be as serious as possible.
Sound as harsh as possible.

If this is respect.
I will prefer to never give respect to anybody and to never get it from anybody.

Today I am in my early thirties. I still have all my hair black. However, I am confident that what I am saying is not wrong.
“Make sure to love more ❤️”
To smile more. To kiss more. To hug more. To express more.
And, to DO this More with members of your own family, not just with guests and strangers.

It was narrated that Aisha RA, said:

“Some Bedouin people came to the Prophet(ﷺ) and said: ‘Do you kiss your children?’
He said: ‘Yes’.
He said: ‘But we, by Allah, never kiss (our children)’.
The Prophet(ﷺ) said: ‘What can I do if Allah has taken away mercy from you?'”

SubhanAllaah ❤️!
If we still say, “Make sure to stay reserved”, and consider ourselves ‘respected’…
Allaah SWT has taken away mercy from our hearts.

And, perhaps those who we were thinking were standing in awe out of our respect, had no desire to even talk to us in reality, let alone respect because…
Allaah SWT has taken mercy from our hearts.

Sisterly Yours
The Might of Pen🌹

[P.S. We love our elders and do RESPECT them as well. However, not all they say is always RIGHT. As a believer,

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